You don’t need to be celibate, you need to be selective…

by Preston Swagger

Most women have either done this or know someone who has. EVERY guy has run into this at some point or another (it’s most aggravating when a jumpoff pulls it).

I’m celibate right now…

When a girl decides, for whatever reason, to slow down, put on her flashing lights, and pull the car off the road for a little while. This typically happens after one, or a string of bad relationships/sexual experiences.

It’s also completely asinine and utterly ridiculous. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this needed to be said. It’s the equivalent of telling the mechanic that you’ve heard a sound coming from the engine, and then watching him walk over to the trunk. You’d look around and think, “what the fuck”?? Well ladies…

That’s what I’m doing right now…

If you are upset with the quality of man you’ve been running into…well that’s a legitimate concern (a sound coming from your engine). So why don’t you realize that the problem isn’t THAT your fucking…it’s WHO your fucking (take your head out of your trunk — pun intended). The key to catching a good man is not between your legs. Don’t let Ashanti fool you! That “good, good” can be found any “where, where”. That doesn’t make you special…and it doesn’t make you better.

YOU MAKE YOU BETTER!

If you want to find a better man, take off the chastity belt and work on YOU! Start by not hitting the same clubs, bars, corners, etc. to find your man. Every place you found a loser…STOP GOING THERE.

Next, be selfish. What do you love to do? What inspires you…motivates you? What have you always wanted to learn about? Figure out what it is, and go do that shit! Do you, girl! Take a yoga class, or a web design class, a cooking class or gardening class. Join a community program or volunteer somewhere. Learn to play an instrument or speak another language.

And that’s when it’ll happen. That’s when you’ll meet him…at that class, or outreach meeting, or music store. And you’ll already be ahead of the game because you have a common interest…a common passion.

I can’t guarantee that he’ll be perfect. Hell, I can’t guarantee you’ll meet a guy at all while you’re doing these things. But odds are…

You will. And if worse comes to worse and no men come of this new strategy. You know what does???

A better you…

–Preston

I Do...Not

by Tobias Hustleman


Marriage is a busted institution and the only good thing about them are wedding receptions. That is unless you have friends like mine who like to make theirs dry, and that, my friends, is another story for another day.

Jokes aside, I am not a fan of marriage. It could be that I’ve never seen a proper functioning marriage as a kid. My parents divorced when I was 11 or 12. All of my mom’s brothers and sisters are divorced. Pop’s brothers are divorced but his sisters are married. Moving back a generation, the maternal grandparents were married until my grandfather’s death, but there was some philandering there (It wasn’t gramps either). Pop’s parents were divorced because gramps there was abusive. (On a side note, I wouldn’t tangle with that dude. He was one of those country, strong black dudes that could probably eat nails if he got hungry enough.)

My question is why is marriage the ultimate stamp of commitment? I get the legal protections it gives families in cases of death etc., but to me, it seems people get married and stay in bad relationships just because of the title. Don’t get me wrong. There are good marriages out there, but I couldn’t tell you why so many fail and while some have the formula. If you love someone and say that they’re the one you want to be with, is marriage really necessary? Check out the statistics on marriage.

I am a gambler and even those odds look bad to me. Another reason I don’t like marriage…have you seen the laws for divorce in California? A spouse could take you to the cleaners if that pre-nup isn’t airtight. If lightning strikes and I win the lottery, my marriage will be in Mexico.

Perhaps my issues with marriage stem from reservations with commitment. It could be my lack of exposure to good marriages. Some girls I’ve met like to say it’s a maturity thing. Once I meet the right one, I’ll just give up my lonely, bachelor lifestyle…

The book of Clooney says, “Yeah, O.k.”

I could go on and on about the pros and cons of marriage, but I wanted to introduce my “Marriage for the New Millenium” proposal. Being that I am a sports fan, I feel that we should handle marriage like sports contracts.

We’ll go with the NBA model.

We’ll sign to be married for three years and if it doesn’t work, there are two unrestricted free agents on the market. If one or the other is well off, then the rookie cap will kick in and neither will be due half of anything in the event of one or the other selecting free agency. If things do workout, then a long term contract can be negotiated for full cap dollars. Signing bonuses can be negotiable pending the clearance of waivers (i.e. old boyfriends, girlfriends and splackavellies). I’d also like for my long term deal to be incentive laden. Perks would be given for good sex, strong, healthy children, and good stats in important categories (low nagging, cool in-laws, nice feet).

Yes, feet are dealbreakers. I would terminate a contract over the Wrath of Khan.

That was ridiculous really. I wouldn’t actually propose such ridiculousness. Unless you say OK!

Who’s to say I won’t get married one day? I may gray up with my hot lil mama and life will be peachy…

George and Louise Jefferson-style.

It’s going to take a strong one to make me a believer though.

One day we’ll see…but not yet.

T. Hustle

Airbrush Issues

by I.M. Haight originally posted 10/08

Recently a question was posed to Preston that got me thinking. Generally that isn’t a bad thing but this train of thought led me to get a little warm under the collar. The question dealt with the ogling of women on TV or elsewhere by men in front of their significant others and how men felt when it was done to them. Here’s the question:

…dudes have no problem commenting on phat asses, sex appeal, etc when it comes to seeing women on tv…but my question is, how do guys really feel when their chicks comment about other guys? I throw it in there ocassionally - just b/c LOL - and even though ya’ll try to act chill about it, it’s really tearing you up inside, ain’t it???

Preston’s response:

Nope. It sure isn’t. Now if you start running off at the mouth about your cute boss or co-worker — maybe that would get under our skin. But we know yo ass ain’t bumpin into Morris Chestnut at the grocery store and running off with him. Guys don’t look at the dudes on the cover of Men’s Health and feel self-conscious. It just doesn’t happen. Women on the other hand compare themselves to every other thing with a vagina whether it’s the girl in the next cubicle or the one on the cover of US Weekly.

While Preston explained why guys don’t trip…I was left wondering why women do. I couldn’t help but speak on the main issue here.

Jealousy.

This is an age old problem that I just can’t wrap my brain around. Of course on the extreme end of the spectrum I get it. If a man constantly made overt reactions, had a Beyonce screensaver, or had a shrine to Lauren London then yeah he’s wilding. If he says, “nice ass” more watching TV than watching you, then he’s a dick. If he constantly drones on about the women at work…

Well then call me!

But, a casual “she’s pretty” or a long pause on a channel with bikinis while surfing shouldn’t be such a big deal.

Don’t get me wrong. There is chauvinism. Men do degrade women. Women are abused, and yes women are oppressed. But…why is it so wrong for a man to admire (i.e. lust) a scantily clad woman on television or the net? We hear all the time that these images are ruining self esteem and they portray a stereotype that can’t be achieved. We hear that some women’s insecurities stem from the beautiful women on T.V. We hear that some women are driven to bulimia and other eating disorders because of those

busty…

moist…

leggy…

thick…

gorgeous…

OK I got carried away, but you get the point.

It seems to me that it is jealousy driving women more than anything else. To quote the woman who wrote the question:

I would be lying if I said I didn’t have those jealous tendencies - which I think is okay and men really love that to an extent

First of all…

NO its not okay.

And second…

NO we don’t really love that!

Well I don’t anyway. I want a woman who knows she's the shit and doesn’t have to say it. So what if I look at Ciara dance if my girl has an ass like Ki-Toy. And even if she doesn’t, hers is the ass I’m feeling on every day, so it shouldn’t matter. If things are right at home then these comments shouldn’t be a big deal. Aren’t you getting sweet sweet love made to you on a regular basis? Doesn’t he make you feel like you’re the only one for him? Isn’t he showing you how much he appreciates you?

No?

Well then the issue isn’t with him drooling over Trina’s ass then is it?

Just because your man gets a little hype when
Vida Guerra shows her tits, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you.

Is every man in the world forcing women to strive to look better?

No.

Other women are. Preston said it best, “women…compare themselves to every other thing with a vagina.”

Now, I will admit there are some jerks on this planet that may openly demean and degrade women by comparing them to models and such. There is no excuse for the actions of these men. The point I'm trying to make is that John P. Regular realizes that the women on T.V. are just that, the women on T.V.

We know and grow to love the woman at work, or the friend from college. You see, we fall in love with the people we meet. If you happen to meet one of these women who appear in ads or spread it on the web then you have the opportunity to fall for them and vice versa.

However, most people don’t fall in love with the people on T.V. — we fall in love with the people who watch T.V. with us…

Toby Hustle Returns with the Rundown…

by Tobias Hustleman

The prodigal son returns. Senor Hustle has been officially listed as missing in action. In my day job, this is a very busy season and while I don’t normally subscribe to allowing anxiety to get in the way of my daily, it has been especially rough lately. Sadly, it’s been to the point of insomnia which has given me the full blown Benicio Del Toro baggy eye thing.

To Fenster and Frankie Four Finger fans, I mean no disrespect.

I’ll give you brief recap of what has been going on and let you know that I’ll be back in the game.

Firstly, space cadets should not be allowed to have direct reports. I’m sure my manager’s intentions are in the right place but when I ask what I should do for my career path, don’t make me the guinea pig for every new project you have. On top of getting clients ready for the new year, I can’t very well do 90 presentations, train co-workers, watch sports and enjoy healthy dosages of box spring breaking. It’s just not possible.

I’m just a man.

This is also the same boss who left a note on their office door for the cleaning staff that read: “Please VACUM.”

Secondly, gambling on SEC football will cause very serious health problems. The Auburn-LSU game almost made me puke. It’s a serious situation when you almost lose your cookies because a game is so intense. Seriously, it was like a bookie was sitting next to me in my room with his hand in my pocket. It was a direct violation of my fanhood, but you know what?? That’s the beauty of gambling. I am still handicapping at a respectable 9-5-1 meaning I’ve called 60%. This means I would be in the black if I had bet straight up on the games. Unfortunately my luck turned when I put live money on the games.

Shout outs go to USC fans. You’re good for a “Gump in Jenny’s Dorm” moment every year.

Third, did anyone see the Shane Moseley fight? Left hooks don’t look any better than the one that happened at 2:59 seconds in the 12th round. In my years of following boxing, I thought I had seen it all until there was a knockout in the last second of the 12th round. It was so money and I knew it.

Next, what’s up with the guy that on gave the 1-2 to teenage girl at the McD’s? If you didn’t see it, check it
here:



DISCLAIMER: I do not condone mic checking teenage girls. It’s not right and especially not in front of your kids or anyone’s kids. On the low, it is one of the nastiest 1-2 shots I’ve ever seen. Be on the lookout for the “Dear You to the Nigga in the White Hat.” When I venture into LA, I am going to guard my McNuggets.

Finally, the debate season is off and running. The presidential debate reaffirmed my selection, but the VP debate kicked it up a notch. Palin seems like a good governor, but Joe Beezy did his thing. He impressed me in the debate and any doubts I had about Obama’s lack of experience were vanquished. I didn’t know that Obama had made the right choice, but the debate was excellent. Joe Biden appears to be a straight shooter who will offer Obama the support he needs to make the tough decisions. My favorite moment was when he called out John McCain’s maverick status. He basically said, “word…” and proceeded to make the case succinctly that John McCain’s maverick status on issues mattering to you and me is non-existent.

Si se puede.

I’m back in the game. When you see the website and the name, you don’t have to guess who’s bizack.

Hustlin without sleep in the 08.

–Tobias Hustleman

Ish You Should Know - The Billion Dollar Man

by Seymour Monet

African-American history lessons are far too often reduced to the same laundry list of black “firsts” only taught in February. Even more often as of late, it seems the accomplishments in the fields of sports and entertainment are given more light. Today black judges, politicians, and CEO’s don’t get much press until it turns bad. This has got to change. Those who follow me know I loves me some money, so naturally I’m all over anybody gaining wealth. We all know the billionaires Bob and Oprah, but I would like to introduce you all to Reginald F. Lewis, the first black billion dollar businessman.

Being born in 1942 and growing up in East Maryland definitely didn’t afford Reginald any of the opportunities that most of us have taken for granted. Yet at age ten he set up his own newspaper route to deliver a local African-American newspaper. He started with ten stops and flipped it to over a hundred in two years and then sold the route for a profit. I don’t know about you but at 12 I was flipping off of mattresses not flipping a profit on a business. Sounds like a bad mo fo right? You don’t know the half.

Never out of work Reginald took a standard job at the time washing dishes at a local country club. There he worked with his grandfather who spoke to him the simple words, “know your job and do it well.” So often in life we tend to over complicate things. These seven words are ones you can live your entire life by. After beasting in high school to the tune of being the starting quarterback, shortstop, small forward, (oh yeah…captain of all three!) and student body vice president the real fun began.

College was at Virginia State on a football scholarship that got cut short by an injury. But an ACL can’t stop your grind! Reginald generated so much business as a photographer’s sales assistant he was offered a partnership. He turned that down and went on to become a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity Inc. and graduated on the dean’s list.

Reginald F. Lewis knew he wanted to be a lawyer but little did he know he would be much more.

Out of all of his accomplishments this is the one that continues to blow me away. The summer after graduation, the Rockefeller Foundation sponsored a program at Harvard Law School in an attempt to introduce some black students to the fine art of law. After lobbying for and gaining acceptance, Reginald was invited to attend Harvard Law School in the fall. BEFORE he applied! I repeat. A black man in 1965 was admitted to Harvard Law School before applying. The only man at the time to hold that distinction. Think about that for a moment…

1965!

Some people were still sharecropping in the South. And he’s talking his way into Harvard!

Brilliant!

This is where things get big. Two years after graduation and working with a prestigious law firm in corporate law, he and a few others set up Wall Street’s first African-American law firm. Being a NC boy it warmed my heart to see that he represented the Wilmington Ten and was instrumental in getting them more of the money they were owed.

He sure is racking up a lot of “firsts” considering most people never heard his name.

His next move was to establish an investment firm whose first move was a 22.5 million dollar buyout of a struggling textile company. Using the same acumen that flipped that newspaper route, he led the company to it’s two most profitable years ever. Selling the company in 1987 for $65 mil, making a 90 to 1 return on his own investment. Guys on Wall Street would slap their grandma for a return like that now.

Before 87 was done, Reginald added another first to his list. But not just an African-American first this time. The $985 million buyout of Beatrice Foods (renamed TLC Beatrice Int’l) was the largest offshore buyout by an American company...ever. Just as steadily as he worked his way into Harvard, he worked down the company’s debt and brought the company’s revenues to $1.5 billion.

And there it is folks… The first black owned billion dollar business.

TLC Beatrice made it’s way up the Forbe’s 1000 and was the largest African-American owned company in the U.S. The richest black man of the 80’s (estimated net worth was $400 million) was not Michael Jackson or Jordan.

He was a hard working businessman who needs his own shoe, shirt, or line of something so more kids can want to be like Reggie.

–Seymour Monet

A Sign Of Things - Love & Astrology

I was never really into Astrology.

For most of my life, when I did happen to glance over to the horoscope section of the paper, it was never very accurate. I’m a Capricorn — but I’m nothing like a Capricorn. It seemed like a bunch of nonsense to me — which is why:

I was never really into Astrology.

Until the day I met her…

No, this isn’t some love story. I don’t even remember the “her’s” name. She was some hippie that my roommate was dating at the time. But she was into astrology. I told her I was officially a skeptic. I mentioned how EVERY SINGLE horoscope I’d read was off. And that’s when she told me some things that changed my mind a little bit.

Astrology experts — forgive my pedestrian explanation:

So apparently the sign that correlates to your birth date does not account for everything. We also have what’s called a rising sign. That is calculated by the day and exact time you were born. Astrology.com describes it as follows:

your rising sign — or ascendant — reflects the zodiac sign that was ascending on the Eastern horizon at the moment you took your first breath in this world. This is why an exact birth time is so vital to finding your accurate rising sign. Located on the cusp of the first house of your astrological chart — or at the nine o’clock position — the rising sign can exert an influence almost as powerful as your Sun and Moon signs.

If you were to think of your Sun sign as your soul — your inner personality and potential — and your Moon sign as your heart — your emotional core — then you could say that your rising sign is your physical self or the face you present to the world.

Interesting. So I did what any one of you would do after finding out this information…

I called my mama and asked her what time I was born! As it turns out, your boy Preston is an Aquarius through and through. I went back and read the horoscopes I’d previously discounted and:

Whoa…

It was a little eerie. Very accurate…and very eerie. I’m still not into astrology —but I’m no longer a skeptic. The most interesting part though is who my horoscope says I’m compatible with. I went back and checked the birth dates of some old girlfriends/jumpoffs and the shit was on point! The ones that my horoscope said would be bad matches — were bad matches. Not only that, but it would detail why we would be bad matches. And damned if it wasn’t mostly accurate.

So I’m very curious to find out what our readers think on this one.

When meeting a new guy/girl, do you take their sign into account?

Have you dated people who were supposed to have been a bad match for you astologically but it still went fine?

After doing a little checking, I’m actually giving astrology a little cred. You know what else I’m doing — writing of Leos and Pisces. Romantically — I can’t fuck with yall!!!! The universe told me so…

Ha ha ha

Peace, Love, and a good ol FRIENDSHIP,

Preston

Why you can't be in love BEFORE the sex...

First of all, thank you to everyone who swings by here and reads the site. Even more thanks go to the people who comment. It really is a cycle. I inspire you to share your thoughts and opinions on a subject. When you do it inspires me to write even more. That’s exactly what happened yesterday. Here are a couple of excerpts that precipitated this article.

Swag, I am going to have to disagree with you on this one! If that was the case, a chick that blew your mind and sucked your heart out would be the girl for you. But when true love comes into play, that’s when you sit back and think to YOURSELF (not even realizing it)….about how good of a wife and mother she’ll be… –Silkie

And one more while we’re here:

…but seriously, I’m in love, or at least “in heavy like”, long before any sex. First of all, this is all beyond the physical. For me, it’s about the interaction and communication. If I can vibe with a woman and we don’t have any substantial problems, then I can see myself falling in love… –Anthony Taurus

Anthony — I couldn’t agree with you more. In fact, do you want to know one of the MAJOR tests I put possible girlfriend candidates through?? The girls I’m feeling a little bit…but I’m not sure if they are wife-type material… Do you know what I MAKE them do??????

Nothing.

Nothing at all! If I can just lay around with you on the couch or in my room. No plans, no topics, no agendas…and just chill with you. Feel absolutely comfortable and happy just shooting the shit with you. Then you’ve just taken a HUGE step forward in the my book.

But that’s still — as Anthony so eloquently put it — just “heavy like”. The fact is, if your “in love” you’re probably in a relationship (I should hope…if not then you’re just a stalker aren’t you?). And no matter how you look at it, a relationship can be divided along 2 lines…

Physical and Emotional

Now here’s the thing that will blow your mind… Those two parts are EQUALLY important. But everybody writes the physical part off as if it’s a minuscule part of the equation…

I can teach a man how to please me If he’s got everything else we can work on the physical stuff

Stop that.

Ladies close your eyes and think about the last time you rolled over…sweaty… looking up at the ceiling…breathing heavy…with an ever so slight smile you just couldn’t wipe off your face…took a deep breath and thought….

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go ahead……I’ll wait.

Yeah, try teaching some sexually incompatible fool how to do THAT.

I know that since this is coming from a male writer they’ll be a natural inclination to want to keep a grain of salt handy. “A guy writing about the importance of the physical side of the relationship….how original”. Sure…being a guy makes me biased…but it doesn’t make me wrong.

If you haven’t had any significant physical interaction with a person, then HALF of the relationship still hasn’t been explored? How can you experience half of anything and claim to know it…let alone LOVE it. Physicality is important…even more so now that we’re living longer and old heads are poppin Cialis like flintstone vitamins. Time will still take it’s toll on us, and eventually the physical side of the relationship will change. Surely hugs and kisses mean more to our grandparents who no longer have sex.

But what if they couldn’t hold hands? That’s still the physical side of the connection.

Unfortunately, I’m down to just one grandparent…but I know for a fact that my grandmother would trade anything in this world to hold my grandfather’s hand again…if only for a few minutes…even if they couldn’t say a word. Tell me that’s not the physical side of a relationship…

1 person + 1 person = relationship.

Relationship = 2 parts.

No Sex (physicality) = 1/2 a relationship…

1/2 a relationship cannot = REAL LOVE

–Preston (I told you there’d be math!)