Part 2--How To Talk To Pretty Women

originally posted 9/2008

Let’s talk about attraction for a moment. In order for some men to fully understand where I’m going here, I have to deconstruct some ideals first.

1) Attraction isn’t a choice.

I repeat…ATTRACTION ISN’T A CHOICE! As humans, we don’t consciously choose who we feel attracted to. It just happens to us. And you can’t convince someone to feel this powerful emotion. We do choose who we want to marry and things like that. But animal attraction isn’t a choice.

2) Attraction doesn’t make sense.

When you think about the concept of being emotionally attracted to another person, it only “makes sense” that you should feel attracted to good qualities like niceness and honesty and loyalty, right? Sorry to be the one to tell you this but attraction doesn’t play by those rules. The things that we are attracted to don’t make logical sense when you look at them. We all know that attractive women seem to date a lot of jackasses.

Seem strange?

Let’s see if this scenario seems familiar: Ever dealt with a woman who says what they think when they’re asked a question...but they tend to act on their emotions when an actual situation presents itself?

Trick question.

Of course you have!

Women are built that way. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just how it is. The same goes for attraction. Women say they want a nice guy but feel for the asshole. It’s like junk food versus healthy food. You know you need healthy food but Snickers is still making money! Understanding these things is your path to enlightenment young Jedi!

Now you may be asking yourself, “Well gosh Seymour, how am I supposed to talk to pretty women?” If you are saying that, stop reading and ask the closest person to smack you for saying gosh. I can’t hold your hand for the rest of your life so hear me now and understand me forever. Here are a few pointers that should help out.

1) Stop being “nice” to attractive women when you first meet them. This means no asking women out all the time, no “special” gifts, no dishing out lots of compliments, no putting your needs aside, and no giving women special treatment or privileges just because they’re attractive. NOTE: I did not say to treat women badly. I’m just telling you to stop doing all the fake things you’re doing just to make women like you. If you actually get into a relationship there will be plenty of time for that.

2) Stop giving women your balls on a platter. In other words, stop giving away your power to women. Do not communicate in any way, shape, or form that you will put aside your own self respect in order to get a woman’s approval.

3) Say the word “no” to a request from an attractive woman at least once every single day. Don’t do it in an angry, mean, or Ike Turner-like way. Just simply say, “no”. Which reminds me:

NOTE: It’s OK to say “no” in a serious tone, and then do the thing she asked after making her sweat a little. Sarcasm and humor, if done right, will earn you big points.

4) Learn how to use sarcasm and humor right! You need to master being funny and a little cocky at the same time. Too cocky, and you come across insecure and arrogant. Too funny, and you come off as goofy and stray dangerously close to the friend zone. Believe it or not but you need to bust on them a bit. Don’t go hard. Don’t tell her that her mom is so fat that she jumped in the air and got stuck. Tease them about something you can tell they made a point for you to notice. Whether it’s a fresh ‘do, a nice dress to accentuate a figure, or whatever. Let her know you notice with a little joke. Make a joke about her being attracted to you. Pretty women aren’t used to this and their interest is piqued immediately because it is new territory. Plus, who doesn’t like to laugh? It is universally understood that women are attracted to confident men. Also widely known is that humor also attracts women. Well 1+1=2 right?

NOTE: Remove the phrase, “Oh, I was just kidding” from your vocabulary. You have to tell the jokes with a straight face for maximum effectiveness.

Follow these rules and you should have more success meeting the girls you thought you had no chance with before. Remember that I am just attempting to get you in the game. If you blow the lay-up that’s on you. Or if you two hit it off and decide to take it to the next level…I don’t know...watch Oprah or something.

As always, I leave you with some wise words that encapsulate the spirit of the article.

“Bitch Dependency is no laughing matter. Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, your health, and, scary enough, even your money. It’s a disease…”
A Pimp Named Slickback

S. Monet