Monday, March 19, 2012

Ask A Guy - Are Plutonic (Platonic) Relationships Extinct?

by Seymour Monet

Q: Is it truly possible for a man and woman to be in a plutonic relationship?
Short answer: No because that would mean that the relationship was formed by the solidification of magma..So, unless you are messing around with volcano’s I don’t think that will happen. If you mean platonic then its no for us and yes for you.

Long answer: This is actually a question I’ve been Hulk Hoganing with for a minute believe it or not. I’m typically not one to say something absolutely can’t happen because I’ve seen so much occur that I would’ve previously thought impossible. (i.e. The Two Corey’s, T-Pain) The problem I have with it is the reciprocation of friendly feelings. I almost sounded smart there didn’t I? Anyway. This is one of the few subjects that you will ever see me waffle on. Enjoy it while it lasts snitches. And the first “syrup” joke will get someone castrated.

Since I am tackling this subject for the masses I decided to press pause on my F-Webster movement and look up the word “platonic.” It reads…
a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex.

Ok, so fuck that…

Look I see it like this. Relationship is the key word here. The terms actually contradict themselves because if you listen to that bastard Webster a relationship is defined by being …a romantic or passionate attachment. Now you see why I say fuck Webster. Digressing, the other interpretations allow a relationship to range from a friendship to a splackavellie. What to believe? Me! Here it is:
Women are the only creatures that have the emotional facets to allow for several relationship variations. Men have friends and chicks. That’s it. If by rare blue moon a man actually considers a female a friend only, I promise he barely considers her a broad at all. Sucks…I know.

I would start with the dick in a glass case offensive here but women would inevitably use the “it’s not about sex defense”. That’s old. It’s more than that now really. A “friend” to a woman is whatever she isn’t getting at home. Conversation, pipe, attention, laughter, longstroke, understanding, making you feel wanted …the list goes on and on. Men and women can definitely have a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex. Any routine from a mid-30’s stand up would have you believe that marriage is that way.

Another blog…another time…

But dammit some passion is present! We are getting the shit end of the stick here and that’s evident. You get to have your Devils food and eat it too, while we just get blue balls. Now here is where my belief that all things are possible gets in the way. Being that you have such emotional range I will allow for certain anomalies that prove this rule…certain childhood/family friends, sweetchucks, and some ex’s. What you have to realize is that you have the capacity to have “levels” of friendship. We simply don’t have as many categories…guy friend, girl friend, best friend, friend friend, church friend, club friend, sometimey friend. Whereas we have the fellas and the “to bone or not to bone”. That’s it.

While the appearance of a strict, mature non-sexual relationship is evident. I assure you ladies we are one come hither look away from a porno bass guitar riff. It is rare and I mean black athlete/black wife rare that you will find a guy that is “friends” with a girl he is no way shape or form attracted to. For some reason (duh) we won’t even consider just hanging with a chick unless there is a chance we can get down. Hell, most dudes end up there without a choice! While I won’t discount the advantages of having some female friends around for some honest feedback and opinions; it just isn’t platonic if one party is looking at the other like a piece of prime rib. Medium. Mmmmm.

This is another classic case of something that is sexy in theory and fugly in practice. Men and women can be friends yes. Can they be in anything marked by the complete absence of passion, romance and sex?

Let me see if I can channel Smokey. Hellll naw!

No comments:

Post a Comment